I.

& God said: open your heart

a pomegranate halved, punctuated in blood

fruit of the spirit or the poisonous tree 

& either way

no one comes to the Father

except through me

II.

& like the bradford pear

i split 

down the middle 

in storm or prayer to

any god but her

III.

& Jesus Christ 

i screamed for him but

the bowl is empty &

then the barrel &

october uses the slow knife

every time

IV.

& God said:

HAVE YOU NOTHING BETTER TO CHOKE ON

THAN MY NAME

V.

& oh Father 

i hope you know

what you’ve done

VI.

& my body:             greyscale

you: coffin        i cannot keep shut

this estuary denying its

birthmother

like it makes any difference

VII.

& the goldfinch spine snapped without sound but

mine did not & there is no pill to dissolve bones of

mine that are still yours & 

no excuse for how i cut myself off

from every house i  

could have called

home

VIII.

& God said 

nothing

IX.

& the hurting comes 

like secondhand smoke:

just because you never asked for 

damnation

doesn’t save you from 

the fire

X.

& i keep rewriting the poem where

i wade into the sea & don’t come back

like i’m gonna find God

waiting at the bottom with 

pink champagne & my father’s hands

go back & do it again, he’ll say, pouring 

i’m watching now